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Synopsis
Some time in the future, an astronaut
named Mike Leighton (John Richardson) assaults a technician in some NASA-like
establishment, as punishment for which he is given command of a spaceship. Upon
arriving onboard this vessel, he discovers that a crew member has been sent
outside alone. Mike orders the man to return to the ship. The man replies that
his task will only take a minute. Mike again orders him to return. He still
does not. Mike warns him that the repairs he is attempting could cause acid to
leak out and damage his spacesuit. He assures the captain that no such accident
will happen. It does. Mike, being the dedicated individual he is, decides to
rescue the man and, after the director has made a few inept attempts at
building tension, he is able to save his crewman's life. The ship then travels
to an unexplored planet to investigate an intercepted message that originated
there. Upon arriving, the Earthlings discover an underground civilization of
bald, green skinned men enslaved by a robot whose head looks distinctly like
(and possibly is) a toy bulldozer with a glowing red windshield. The robot
subsequently manages to kill several of the vessel's crew members as they
wander pointlessly through the almost completely black tunnels honeycombing the
alien world before, of course, Mike manages to defeat it in what is, perhaps,
cinema's least dramatic confrontation.
Analysis
Shot on a nearly non-existent budget
with actors who should have considered different careers, Alfonso Brescia's
Cosmos: War of the Planets is a truly bad film. There is virtually
nothing in the movie for which it can be recommended other than its sheer
dreadfulness.
In fact, nearly every element included in Cosmos is
utterly ludicrous. The costumes are laughable. The crew of the spaceship wear
Star Trek style clinging white tunics and tights with plastic
cummerbunds, red suspenders, and close fitting red felt caps. The special
effects are amazingly bad. On several of the occasions when a character
ventures into space, a spaceship can be seen behind him that appears to be a
photographic image printed on a poster stuck on a wall. Other effects are
achieved with stock footage, shoddy models, and colored lights. The script is
consistently silly. There are lines like, "Those strange signals are so
baffling" and "I control the lives and the brains of all the inhabitants here.
I keep them alive as I see fit, just as a shepherd controls the sheep and then,
at any moment, sheers the sheep. Enough now of explanations." To make the movie
even worse, Cosmos is absolutely filled with a variety of pathetic
mistakes. On a number of occasions, for instance, the ship's view screen shows
the ship itself from behind. Literally every minute of the movie includes
several embarrassments.
Cosmos really is a remarkably bad film. Unfortunately,
although it is, at times, bad enough to be amusing, it is more often just
tedious.
Review by Keith Allen
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© 2004
movierapture@hotmail.com Keith
Allen. All rights reserved.
Revised 2005 |
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